stop and smell the carnations...

Each day I only have so much energy. Sometimes it’s deceiving too, yesterday for example I felt great, the best I had in days!  I cleaned the bathroom counter, picked up dirty clothes, walked Tre all the way to line up, and was doing quite well, until about noon.  After that, I crashed but I was so happy that I really appreciated the energy I had. Really it gave me hope that there will be days with more improvement, I kind of was wondering there for a while! Something that I try to take the time to do is care for my plants, at least water them. 

I have a lot of inside and outside plants; many came from my grandma’s house after she passed last year.  Somehow each time I walk outside and am met with a new bloom on one of her plants, I feel a little bit like it’s her way of saying “hi” or a gift from her.  It brings me some comfort because I really do miss her and wish so much that I could still talk to her, especially when things get hard.  It’s hard when that go-to person is gone and both of mine passed away within a year of each other.  I was especially happy this year when the huge iris from her house bloomed, I hoped upon hopes that I hadn’t killed them in the move! 

Carnations were one of her favorites (and my other grandma I lost before her too) I have to say they are becoming one of my favorites as well.  I have a large container that is just overflowing with pink blooms.  The smell doesn’t carry on the air like jasmine does, but when you take the time to get close to them, the smell is just about one of the most amazing smells in the world.  You can really get lost in the aroma.

I guess there are a lot of things like that, that can just be a surge of pleasantry to the senses, if only we take the time to appreciate them.  Stopping to watch my children sleep and reminisce about the days past, reading a message from someone we have lost, looking at pictures from a happy occasion...  Even seeing a dragon fly, like the one that hovered over me the day my grandma died, they remind me of her.  When we take the time to really look, we can use these things to invoke positive feelings, sometimes taking us back to another time and recapturing the feelings from then. Even on the worst of days, sometimes just stopping to smell the carnations can bring me peace.  In the smell, I see her smile, I feel her hug, I remember her.  The things I nurture and love to spend my limited energy on; my relationship, my children, and my garden, are the things that can pick me up on the days when I struggle to remember that “I can” be happy. 

When a flower blooms, it’s like a thank you, “thanks for taking care of me”, like when your child turns and says “thanks Mom!” I mean it really makes it all worth it, right?  I guess by caring for my children, my husband, and my plants, I really am taking care of myself.  I am planting the seeds of little gifts that I will get back, little things that might just be the sunshine I need on a cloudy day.