the calm after the storm

So, today is my birthday and I was super happy that I got to start my day off with my sister, niece, and new little nephew here!  It was so nice to be able to see them, though the circumstances could’ve been better.  Isn’t that how it goes though? We go on, wishing we could make time, figure out how to work out a visit, etc. then something happens; a birth, a death, an illness, and we finally make it happen.  With gas prices, kids, school, and life getting so busy, we hardly see each other.

My father went in the hospital on Friday, and finally came home last night. I’m glad going to the hospital isn’t on my “to do” list for today.  On Easter (Sunday), we had a nice morning with the boys.  I had all of the food prepared, started the ham, and jumped in the shower.  I got out about noon, got a phone call from the hospital that my dad wanted to see me. I asked the nurse to let him know I was showering then I would be over. My plan had been to finish the food, make him a plate, go visit, then come home and have dinner with the family.  Well, that apparently wasn’t going to work for him!  So about 10 minutes later, I got a call back from the nurse, apologizing all over herself that he had checked himself out!  WHAT?!  I was panicked.  So Richard took my car to go find him, and I stayed home, incase he got a cab.  Well Richard found him first.  Dad’s plan was to come home, get his car, and drive off to be alone, and die. He was in a horribly depressed state of mind and I knew that.  I wasn’t going to let his state of mind influence this decision.  So I told Richard to tell him that if he tried to drive I would call the police, because he was endangering other people at that point as well. 

Mind you, all this time he was having an active heart attack!  When I was in the hospital the day before, and he took out his oxygen, his levels dropped over 20 points!  I was afraid he would just keel over at any point! 

So my husband stayed with him and finally convinced him to admit himself again.  Except he had to go in through the ER ALL over again. Wait for a bed to open, all over again.  Complain about the wait, all over again. Well, you get the drift. All the while he is cursing me for taking him in, in the first place.  Swearing he’d never tell me again if he wasn’t feeling well.  It was ALL MY FAULT!

I didn’t see my husband until 11pm on Easter night.  The kids and I ate dinner, though they didn’t want to.  They wanted their daddy.  On Monday I went to the hospital with back up! My sister drove down to help me talk some sense into him.   Of course the first thing he says is “I could’ve been home for Easter if you hadn’t made me come in here!”  I’m surprised I had any tongue left with all the biting I was doing.  I have a lot of patience and tolerance for outbursts, I’ve had practice with my son, and I get that sometimes it isn’t easy to control.  All the same, there were times I was snapping at him, I was shocked by what he said, and I really wanted to walk away and not look back.  The hospital started him on a medication that helped to stabilize his mood, and it was like the clouds parted, the sun shined through, and there was peace.

We had a counselor meet with him.  That seemed to help a lot (Well that and the medication).  He finally agreed to have the procedure done. Then we got the insurance squared away and he was shipped off to the VA hospital.  We went that night to make sure he was okay and to warn the doctor and nurses about his “escape” on Sunday.  We encouraged them to keep him especially comfortable. Ultimately he was scared, frustrated, and having really bad anxiety, and he was raging about it. But he did well there, and we were able to head home, knowing he was okay.

So they did the angio and his heart looked okay.  They didn’t need to do any other procedures and got him set up on his heart medications, again.  We went and picked him up yesterday afternoon.  Today he is kind of tired and sad. 

I’m sitting here alone in the house, and it’s quiet.  I’m bummed my sister and her family can’t be here longer but I really enjoyed having them here.  It meant a lot to not feel so alone in all of this.  Words cannot describe how horrible he was acting so at least I know someone else saw it and saw how bad it got.  I’m tired, I’m relieved. 

This afternoon I have an appointment with my Rheumatologist to find out the results of my most recent blood tests.  So I’m hoping that goes well.  

Ultimately I’m really grateful for my kids, they were troopers through all of this.  They are so used to me being here and making sure everything works out.  I’m thankful for my husband for being super supportive and taking the time off of work to do all of the things I normally do.   I’m thankful that my sister came down to help me with all of this.  I’m thankful that my niece gave up her Spring Break to spend most of it sitting in a hospital or a car, and for all the laughter she helped us share!  And I’m thankful for my nephew, because well he made me smile with his immense cuteness!

I guess even with as crappy as everything was this week, there still is a silver lining.  I’m glad my dad is okay, I’m hoping this encourages him to get some help.  I realized that hundreds of miles doesn’t mean I’m not close to my sister and her kids.  There were so many good things in amongst the bad. Though I wouldn’t want to have to do this again, the outcome helps to cope with it.