April Showers Bring May Flowers... :)

So my last time writing was a month ago. What a roller coaster ride we have been on! First, my dad…  Well without getting too personal and too detailed, he is gone.  Him not living here is going to be better for our family. He had a second heart attack, just two weeks after the first.  His mood became far worse and his resentment towards me grew.  He became violent with the hospital staff… it just got really, really bad.  When he came home, despite trying to act better, he would get very irritated when I would say something. One day I tried to explain to him that he had to accept some personal responsibility for things that have happened and he decided at that point it’d be better for him not to live here.  He didn’t exactly leave on the best terms… helped himself to some things, took some things he shouldn’t have, and said some horrible things. But hey, this isn’t going to be a vent session, so I’ll stop there.

Things were really hectic. We went from not knowing if dad was going to be okay, to finding out his heart was failing.  Then to find out his condition is bad, but not as bad as we were made to think!  I was initially told he could only be released to a skilled nursing facility, and then was getting called to pick him up!  I never knew when the phone rang what was going to happen.  Meanwhile he would call me from the hospital yelling at me to come pick him up.  One day I stood arguing with him in the parking lot at the T Ball field and it was just the worst feeling in the world. There I was trying to watch my son play and couldn’t even do that. 

See all the while this was going on, we still had T Ball, and we had school, and well things were hard!  I’m very much looking forward to summer break. 

I started a new medication to help treat my auto-immune issues and I can’t really say I’m feeling much of a difference.  I have heard some people have amazing changes on it, and well…  It’s been a month now and nothing major has changed for me.

Now that things are quieting down a little bit, I’m regrouping.  When you live with someone you aren’t comfortable with, it is incredibly liberating when you can take your space back.  To feel comfortable again, I didn’t realize how much I just stayed back in my room, avoiding conflict.  I did some reading on toxic people, and well…  it just made sense.

On the other side of things, Tre is doing quite well. We were down to the wire and he had to put in some long hours to complete enough coursework for the year. We started late, so we were a little behind everyone else.  But he got his percentages where he needed them and I am so proud of him.  We had some rough days, and with my dad being in the hospital, I was back in forth for most of April.  We did what we could, when we could. Thank goodness my cousin came to stay with us for a while, he helped so much!  But still, there were certain things I needed to wait to do with him, until I could be there.  But hey, all is well that ends well. 

He finally got to see his therapist again, since things calmed down.  She wants to focus on his separation anxiety.  Helping him be more independent.  I think it’s to a good focus. 

I’m playing with the idea of working on my Master’s Degree.  It’s still a ways off in the future and there are just sooo many things that are telling me I’m crazy for thinking about it.  But I don’t want to regret later not doing it.  And it’s not like we have a big support group to help with the kids.  So, I’m not sure. 

I wish I had some big insightful thing to say to wrap this all up.  So much has happened I feel like life just regurgitated 5 years worth of crap in my lap.  And I’m slowly working through it.  One day at a time…  And regardless of everything else, I get to tuck my kids in at night, kiss them, and tell them I love them.  That makes it all worth it.   And they say April showers bring May flowers...