Mom's Survival Guide: Tips I use to save my sanity!

Mom’s (and Dad's too!) Survival Guide: Tips I use to save my sanity!

·         First of all, remember that no matter how hard it gets, tomorrow is a new day.  It is also important to help our children remember this. No matter how many struggles we had today, we cannot change that, but tomorrow is a new opportunity, a fresh start.

·         Don’t hold grudges. Many of us are end up with PTSD because we kind of sit here waiting for the other foot to drop.  Try not to focus on the past- try to live in the now…

·         Go in at night and look at your child sleeping, admire his (or her) eyelashes, look at how long is fingers have grown, kiss his little nose, and remember that no matter how big the struggle was that day, he is still your little boy.  Sometimes amidst the storm, we forget just how small and delicate they are.

·         Keep your relationship strong (with your significant other).  A child with a disability can be an incredible strain on a family-

·         Laugh often

·         When you don’t know if you should laugh or cry, try to laugh… try to see the humor in the situation.

·         Forgive yourself when you completely and utterly fail, it happens. Beating yourself up is not going to change that.

·         When you are telling your child “It’s just a shirt, it’s not a big deal!” ask yourself if you’re following that advice. If you are arguing with them about what shirt you want them to wear, you really are making a shirt a big deal.

·         That leads to one of my favorites- Pick your battles!

·         Take “me” time, even if it’s just to go to the grocery store.

·         Take the kids to the park- let them run and play, take a book, savor the peace, look at them as children, and appreciate the chance to have some calm time.

·         Don’t expect too much- not of yourself, not of your child, not of the day. If you don’t expect too much, then you won’t get disappointed.

·         Try to make things seem like they are your child’s idea.  “It’d be really cool if we went to the store and got some fruit to make a smoothie!” (Then while there say, “Oh boy, can I pick up some other things while we’re here!”)

·         Things aren’t always black and white… sometimes we don’t quite understand why they are upset and vice versa. Ask clarifying questions and encourage your child to do the same. If we don’t understand one another, we can’t communicate. Without communication, we are not getting anywhere!

·         Don’t let it get to you (at least try not to)- when you yell back, it makes things worse, the situation gets exponentially worse and so does your emotional state! Try to ignore what you can… If it isn’t hurting someone (physically) or destroying property, try to ignore it.

·         Have a safety plan- just like in case there’s a fire. If brother or sister has a rage, teach the siblings what to do- perhaps go in the bathroom and lock the door, or go to the neighbor’s house- something that is planned on ahead of time.  It’s one of those things that is hard to talk about but necessary.

·         Try to have fun, if your little one struggles with things not being good enough- keep things short and sweet!

·         Avoiding doing too much and tiring them out- don’t’ go to the mall, the park, the movies, dinner, and ice cream all in one day.  A sleep kid can change the whole flow of things.

·         Have a back up plan!  When you have a long to do list, prioritize.  Note ahead of time which things need to be done immediately and which things can be put off until later or the next day. That way the most important things are done first, and if you need to head home, it’s not such a big deal. I find when I feel pressure to get too much done, and I’m stressed, I can cause my son to have a meltdown, because he doesn’t listen to my words as much as he looks at my physical cues.

·         Have compassion, when the crappola hits the fan, try to think of what it would be like to be them. Maybe they made bad decisions all day and are trying to do good. Imagine what it would be like to have such a struggle just to do the right thing! 

·         Praise, the big things, the little things, the things that took any effort… Clearing a plate after dinner, doing something without being asked, acts of kindness, not arguing about something that is usually a struggle… praise, praise, praise (especially If you want to see it happen again!)

·         If all else fails, and in desperate situations, resort to bribery! J