more on bullying, what to do?

So, as a parent we want to protect our child in every way possible, at least I believe that most parents do.  So what can be done when your child is being bullied?  Sometimes the bullying can be so severe that a child may require counseling.  What do you do when your child comes to you and reveals something is hurting them?  What do you do, when it feels as though your hands are tied?

  For us, we opted to put our son in martial arts.  This not only increased his self confidence but it gave him a means to stand up for himself.  The class we picked was chosen because of his instructor’s philosophies and teaching methods. My son is taught to avoid fights at all costs but how to defend himself, if need be.

This decision came to us after we had lived here a few months.  My son was invited to a birthday party.  We were elated!  Of course we allowed him to go, it was two blocks over and we told him if he had any problems to just run home.  But we had met the parents who seemed nice enough. 

About an hour later, one of the older neighborhood kids, who turned out to kind of be an angel in disguise, a few times, brought Tre home.  He said that the boy who had invited him over and his big brother had Tre against a wall, kicking him because Tre wouldn’t go back to his house and get them a soda. I guess mom had told them no more soda, so they tried making Tre stop play and go back and get them one.  When he wanted to keep playing, they beat him up.  He was only 7! 

I should also say that we are desperately trying to save up our money to buy our own home. Tt isn’t like there were warning signs when we moved in.  Most parents don’t realize what a neighborhood will be like, until there are already problems.  I know my neighbor desperately wants to move as well but with how much it costs to move, to put a deposit on a place, etc.  It can be impossible to just up and move.   So what can you do, if you can’t just leave?

There are other steps that parents should take, especially if the bullying is going on at school.  I started doing research for a friend and found some fantastic resources.  I think the key is to try to establish a positive working relationship with the school, the Principal, and the teacher or teachers involved.  Make sure your child documents everything that happens, with details about who, what, when, why, and where… 

Try to keep things positive, if possible.  Additionally, know your rights. Don’t walk in blindly, as many people do.  Make sure the school knows that you hold them accountable for what happens while your child is in their care.  When you request something from the school, make it in writing. 

Try not to create any enemies but when it comes to your child’s safety, it may be necessary to work your way up the chain of command.  If things don’t smooth out after meeting with the Principal, contact the school board, contact the district, contact the superintendent.  Should none of these paths create any change, you can contact the US Department of Education, who will do further investigations into the matter.

After reading different bits and pieces of advice, I also think it is important to inform the school that you do not want your child talking to anyone without you or a reliable adult present.  If the school wants to address an issue with your child, it should be done with you in their presence. Then there is no trying to fill in the blanks about what someone said.  And no questionable accusations can be made.

This website, http://stompoutbullying.com/adults_page.php, has wonderful resources for the parents.  

I don’t think this is something that will change overnight.  I think that the more people who become involved in bettering our neighborhoods, schools, and communities, the more good will come.  I believe that many of these kids do not realize the harm they can inflict by being a bully. 

If the bullying is extreme or occurring outside of school, I think it is important to report the information to the authorities.   The key, like with many things is not giving up.  Keep going until someone is willing to help you.  Even go as far as to contact local media, see if someone wants to do a story on the news, that might get the ball rolling! 

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