Sometimes little steps are really HUGE feats.

Okay I confess there are times I am overly protective of Tre… Not just of him but of what could go wrong, if he should happen to have a meltdown and the person he is with doesn’t know what to do.  I suppose parents of a diabetic child or an asthmatic child might have the same concerns.  Will the other parents remember he needs to take his medications, will they understand if he doesn’t answer their questions the way a “normal kid” would, should I send a handbook? (just kidding on the last one).  

I don’t want him to be subject to the often harsh judgment of others, nor do I want someone to accidently push him too far.   He does go to play at friend’s houses and kids do come over here. Fortunately he is able to “hold it together” when he goes to other people’s houses.  When he senses he is getting worked up, upset, over stimulated, etc. He leaves and comes straight home.

I have been accused of keeping him in a bubble of sorts, and I will admit that I have at times done just that.  I think all parents do though, maybe the kid down the street knows a little too much about girls, so we don’t let the kids play alone together.  Maybe the boy at school cusses a lot, so we are reluctant to let them get too close.  It’s hard to know when to let go and when to hold on tighter, for every parent.

Well Tre has had some good friends over the years, yet in all this time he would never even go on a play date alone. He was always too scared to be away from me for too long.   The background on this can probably go back to when he was four and I had to call the police because he was missing…  I had allowed him to play right outside the manager’s office at our apartment complex with some of the young kids who were sitting there. Our complex was gated in, and was a pretty safe environment.  I had been called by the office manager and he begged me to let him play for the few minutes I was inside, so I did.  I told him I would be inside if he needed anything. I even checked on him.  I was in there five minutes, tops.  I went back out to go home with him, and he was gone.

I searched every where. The kids he had been with were swimming with their uncle and he said he hadn’t seen Tre.  I thought maybe he was hiding in the bushes, so I walked the whole complex, finally starting to scream his name.  I desperately asked everyone I saw if they had seen him.  We had a pretty tight knit community and most of us knew one another.  I went back to the office, asked if he had gone in looking for me. He hadn’t.  My heart sank.  People started helping me look. Finally the office manager took the master key and started going apartment to apartment, if no one answered, she opened the door and called for him.  I went out to my apartment, to see if he had got mixed up and went there, nope.  I remember standing in the middle of the grass area in the center of our complex and figuring out what people mean when they say their world was spinning.  Mine was, I didn’t know where he was, I could barely hold Dominic I was shaking so hard, and to top it off, I didn’t even know my husband’s new work number…  And I thought “How on earth am I going to tell him I lost Tre when he gets home?”  Then my mind drifted to where he might be, what might be happening, was he okay?  I have never been so scared in my life.  Then I had to pull myself back together, I had to do something.

So I went back to the office and called 911- I described what happened, what he was wearing “he has on a little plaid shirt, long sleeve, button down, it’s blue and black and white, he has on blue slacks, blue sketchers that light up blue and red when he steps, he calls them his “Police shoes”, and a little silver police badge on his front pocket…”

  The 911 operator asked me questions and I couldn’t believe this was all happening.  About that time, someone yelled “She found him!”  I told the operator, he said “go make sure it’s him and that he is okay, then let me know”.  I ran out saw it was him, and told the operator, hanging up quickly.  I ran back outside and the office manager who had been carrying him, set him down, and he ran to me.  He was crying, terrified, and so was I!  I scooped him up and turned around to find the two police officers who had been dispatched.  Then we had to piece together what had happened, and exactly where he had gone.  From the time I discovered he was missing, to when I had him back in my arms almost an hour had passed.  Though it felt like an eternity.

Long story short, he had made his way over by the gate, which led out towards our apartment. A neighbor of ours who was always drunk told him that I had been called in to work and he told Tre that I wanted him to go back home with him.

So Tre followed him, in five minutes, I could have lost him forever…  He took Tre home and a woman staying with him gave him milk and cookies.  He asked the man to call me and he said he didn’t have my number. So Tre told him to call the office lady, because she had babysat him before, the man said his phone didn’t work.  He asked him to take him to the office, the man said “no”.

The office manager went to his apartment as she worked her way through all the units.  She opened the door and Tre automatically called out to her, crying hard, he was terrified.  She pushed past the man, grabbed him, and ran back.

The cops took me aside and told me that it would be very hard to do, but I had to get him to talk about what had happened.  We had to ask him, without suggesting anything.  “What rooms did you see?” “Did you play any games?” “Did he take you to the bathroom?”  These were really hard questions to ask without getting emotional, praying and hoping that the answer was “No”… and thank God nothing had happened.   Aside from being utterly and completely traumatized.

The police went to speak with the man, who had only recently gotten out of jail. They said while his house was disgustingly dirty, that there were no charges that could be pressed.  So for weeks, I locked us up in our apartment.  I was terrified something bad would happen. I felt like I had gotten so lucky to get him back safely that I didn’t want to take any chances.  Did I contribute to his anxiety about being away from me?  Yes, I probably did.  But wouldn’t anyone who had been through something like that do the same?

So today, I am celebrating growth, for both of us.  In the last month he has had two sleepovers, at other people’s houses.  He is getting more confident about being away from me, and I am getting more comfortable with him going, maybe even trusting him a little bit.   Of course the houses are right down the street from ours, so if he did need me, I am just a doorbell ring in the middle of the night away.  Before any time someone mentioned spending the night, he would instantly say no, without thought.  The first sleepover, a few weeks ago, completely caught me off guard. When he expressed his want to go, I gently encouraged him; it was such a huge accomplishment for him!  Neither time has he had to come home.  I don’t see him until about 9 the next morning.  Then he is rip roaring to go back and play more.  I guess it’s a sure sign he is growing up. Well maybe we both are.