Relating and working together

You know sometimes I get going so fast I catch myself blending everything together.  I find myself arguing with my five year old and forgetting what I was saying no about.  I find myself walking aimlessly from room to room trying to remember what the heck I went to get to start with! Sometimes I sit back and watch Tre and see him go through the same thing.  He gets caught up on what he is trying to do that he can’t focus on anything else.  To be honest, I’m very guilty of that myself.  Beware of my wrath if you interrupt me when I get caught up doing something! Kind of how I feel about being asked the same question 100 times while I’m trying to write this! J

 I have found systems that help me; hanging my car keys from a hook or placing them on the book shelf by the front door. God forbid I forget to put them one of these places, because then I am left scrambling to find them!  I hang my coat on a nail in the same spot every day. 

I put Tre’s pills in a container for Sunday through Monday, that way it doesn’t creep up on me that we are getting low.  I buy two boxes of dishwasher detergent and dish soap, so we don’t just run out.  I plan ahead to prevent myself from having the last minute anxiety of “when am I supposed to go get that?!” 

You know I’m trying to get Tre to use tools like that.  I want him to find things that he can use, to prevent a break down, to minimize anxiety, and hopefully to help him have a better day.  The first thing we did was put together a snack box for the back of the car.  There are very random, not necessarily all “healthy” but dye-free items that are appealing to him. When we are at a T-Ball game or practice, going somewhere, or even just at the park and he gets hungry, the box is there, I even have box juices in there.  Sometimes I rotate what’s in there and put little things that will be surprising to him.  It helps! 

I wonder sometimes if I’m not more like him than I realize and I just have adapted more.  I don’t like when things don’t go as planned. I panic when the unexpected happens.  I’ve had to really work hard to stop having anxiety attacks.  I close my eyes and push the pain (usually a headache) away from myself and I’ll be darned if it doesn’t work.  Granted his issues go beyond mine but I guess I just can relate to him on some level.  So I’m trying to help him see my weakness and what I do to help make myself stronger in that sense.  I plan dinners out for the week, I try to get as much done ahead of time as I can, so I have time for those “we have a project due tomorrow” nights, or time to enjoy the nights that everything is done and I can just sit back and relax (though those could happen more often!). 

Today I made Tre a print out of everything he had to do for the day.  I made print outs of each assignment as well.  I gave him the stack.  He found that the decreasing stack was encouraging. He started counting how many pages of work he had to complete.  Despite a few hiccups in our day, we finished our whole workload by 2:05 and he is now able to go outside and enjoy the fresh air and sunny day.  It was calling to both of us.  Perhaps we've found another tool to keep the day from being too overwhelming for him.  He had some tangible sense of what he was responsible for.

When we both started getting a little overwhelmed with school… (Him not wanting to read, and me not sure what to say short of threats, that don't work, to get him to)  I said “Okay I need your help with something!”  So I took him in the kitchen, we peeled probably two dozen oranges and proceeded to juice them.  He got to do some of the juicing, we worked together on peeling, and afterwards enjoyed some yummy juice.  Then he sat down on the couch to do “share reading” usually I read a few paragraphs, he reads one.  By the time we were done reading, I went to get the assessment work, and came back to a sleeping kid.

See back to the whole me panicking when things don’t go as planned; I have a hard time when he starts to have a meltdown about school.  My mind races, I worry that I will let him fall behind, that I won’t be a good enough teacher, that I am not giving him all he needs working with him…  Then I have to just stop. Because if I don’t stop, I get irritated, and frustrated, and sometimes I lash out at him, when pleading doesn’t work anymore.  Ultimately I have to remind myself that he is “getting” more now than he was before. He understands more, he is growing so much.  Sometimes he just needs a break!  And that is why this is so much better for him than public school. 

While he was sleeping, I did print outs of paperwork I’ll need in the next week or so.  When he woke up, we went to get Dominic.  When we came home, he went out to play a few minutes on his scooter, then he came inside, finished history, and art, and he was done!  He just needed a break and really so did I.